Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
