My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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