I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
