I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
