At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i think i just lost a toe
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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