they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
