I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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