My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There r osticjed everywhere
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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