shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
