dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
