I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
