let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
