I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
