"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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