im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
