Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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