Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The power of my boobs compel you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
