i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Duck Duck Cougar?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
