is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
