My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
