I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
