Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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