The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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