a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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