So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
