is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AM VODKA MAN
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
