On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
