You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
