The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The feeling are messing with the penis
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
