My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
