you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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