she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i've created a new STD.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
