i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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