I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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