Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
