i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
