my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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