I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
