Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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