The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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