What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
