i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
sex in a hospital.. check
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
