She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
