who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
