i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
