that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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