Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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