You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize