OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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