you would pick up someone in the library
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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