Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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