your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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