This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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