How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
