You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
