You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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