I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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