So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
