I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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