im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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