Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
