Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
