dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
