this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
