you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
