Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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