smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
