after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize